What to give as a 50th birthday present to a party girl who talked of visiting the south of England from her home town in the south of France in October (apart from an umbrella)?  A lover of the wacky, the wild and the daft, and a mean foot on the accelerator…

Why, a map, of course.  Not too detailed, just an outline, to show where we are in relation to where she is.  Maybe with a symbol or an arrow to indicate our actual towns, and a colour scheme to give a bit of national flavour…

Portsmouth, here she comes…

…all the way from the south of France

Maybe our English weather or her work commitments got in the way but she didn’t visit after all; it can’t have been due to my vague, or some might say woolly, map surely?

Oh, and she likes flamingoes